My mom recently told me that since I returned from Croatia I am more anxious and impatient. I have to agree with this, not having an idea of what to do next and how to assure another peak in life brings frustration.
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But I have changed much more than this… Many things which I am not sure if I can put in words but I have been reflecting on this for a while so I think it’s great way to close this chapter in my blog by sharing a bit.
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My first year in Croatia was one of hardest I had in my entire life. I realized that until then I had been lucky with the people I worked with, I realized that I let myself be influenced by negativity and laziness and so many other things. In my first year I found out the worst side of me, I had many downs and at some point I wanted to leave.
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Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t, I’m so glad I did exactly the opposite and pushed myself to stay a year longer despite my lack of motivation, confidence, trust… All of that based on hope and believe that AIESEC in Croatia should and could be better.
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So initially I became a worst person, no energy, no willingness, no strength, too flexible, lazy and I couldn’t recognize myself.
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Later on I picked up the pieces, I grabbed an idea, I stayed because I wanted better memories from Croatia and from my last year in AIESEC than the ones I had until then. So in the second year I again changed and I started recognizing myself again.
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So, comparing with the Catarina who left I am now more flexible (but just enough), direct, I accept jokes easier and I say them more often, I’m more confident with higher self-esteem, more extroverted, stronger, I feel more safe, I care less about what others think of me, I am more bitchy (in Croatia it is a trait), more tolerant and a bit more lazy, I use irony all the time, I am more independent, I am less harsh with myself and I am also more girlish heheh. I also started believing in relationships, I am less rational in it and I am so much more easy-going generally.
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My values became more solid, as well as, my personality. I think I will always be a bit Croat from now on, and I like it :)
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All of this came from the experiences I had and the learning’s I got out of those experiences. Maybe other people would have learned different things in the same situation, but these are lessons I took that will stay forever. So I learned:
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- What is like to work with people that bring the worst in me;
- To appreciate my country, to admire some of Portuguese values and history;
- To represent an entire country which is not mine based on trust;
- The difficulty to define “home”;
- Consequences of bad and lack of leadership;
- What is to be a Croat, to think as a Croat and what is the meaning of the Croatian flag ;)
- To be a tourist guide in Zagreb and Split;
- To realize that visas are a major issues outside EU;
- To be even less materialistic;
- To smile differently to take pictures;
- What is to work and live in the same house with the same people;
- Travel by train more than 24hours in a row;
- How war affects a culture and a country;
- What is to be rational, direct, concrete, honest in CEE style :)
- Balkan humor;
- The true meaning of “Saudade”;
- That I am a real AIESECer;
- What is Carnival without Brazilian music;
- Share the room with a crazy Serbian girl together with a Indian in the same house, and share a dorm experience with a Ukrainian;
- Dorm life;
- Push back the very barriers of my own personality;
- How hard it to use English to express feelings;
- I learned how the worst “me” is like;
- That sometimes my values fluctuate;
- To ask myself everyday “What the hell am I doing here?”;
- True friendship;
- Varazdin effect ;)
- How to drink Rakija without making a face;
- To be everyday out of my comfort zone;
- To gain perspective;
- Being able to read body language much better;
- All teams are different no matter how much we try;
- And a bit of Croatian language heheh.
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And to finish, do I miss Croatia? HELL YES! I miss people, much more than I would imagine when I first left Portugal. And I miss small things, like people calling me Cata, travelling by tram, the sound of Croatian language, people speaking loud in the public transportation, speaking in English, feeling unique because I was a Portuguese (here is not unique at all), the coffee bars, hearing “dobertek” before any meal, the nationalism, the hospitality, the bakeries and even the music!
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In the end, it was really worth, all the good and even the bad. Now I’m sure I did change but for better.
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Hvala puno to all who have contributed for this experience to be really life-changing.
“A man must travel. By his own, not through stories, pictures, books or TV. He’s got to travel by himself, with his eyes and feet, to understand what is his. To one day plant his own trees and value them. Knowing the cold to enjoy the heat. And the opposite. Feel the distance and absence of shelter to be well under his own roof. A man must travel to places that he does not know to break this arrogance that makes us see the world as we imagine it, and not simply as it is or can be. That makes us teachers and doctors of what we have not seen, when we should be students, and simply go see.” Amyr Klink
P.S: Sorry for the long post but then again, it’s the final one about Croatia so it’s special :)
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