"At the end you remember the beginning"

In one month I will finish my responsibilities as President of AIESEC in Croatia, I won’t have any more title below my name, I won’t be actively working in AIESEC anymore, I won’t have an address, I will have no work or job to do. I will be just an unemployed recent graduate in Psychology with 24 years old. I will have to rebuild my life from scratch, find a new place to live, a new job, a new passion, a new flag.

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How does it make me feel?

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I believe AIESEC is just a bus stop, it is never ever a destination. We meet some cool people on the same stop as we, some other less cool people, some of them we are sure we will meet somewhere someday, we go through sunny days but also through a lot of rainy days, some days we are tired to wait, other days we feel like never leaving that place.

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And once it gets comfortable it means that it’s time to catch the bus. And I feel that this is the right moment to catch my bus, I am sure it will be the right one and I am sure that will lead me exactly where I should be.

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And how does that make me feel?

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Tired but at the same time I know that the next 30 days are the last days I have to do anything meaningful in this organization, are the only days left to make a change, to leave a legacy, to do something that will make my last years all worth.

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I’m also tired of jumping around and I miss having a place called home. But for now that is something I can live with as long as I have friends that make me feel home in many places in the world.

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How does it make me feel?

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Nostalgic and it makes me think about the person I was when I joined AIESEC, it makes me feel a bit old and it makes me feel I went through an amazing changing process. When I look at the pictures I see that apparently I haven’t change that much but I know the truth, I’m not the same scared, low-confident, impulsive, with bad English, with fear to speak in public girl I was when I joined…

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So what´s the feeling?

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Happiness because I had an amazing experience. I will leave Croatia with the feeling I have done the right choice by staying one more year, I will be sure that all doubts, fears and even tears were worth. I will leave my active life in AIESEC with absolutely sure I made the best out of it, I kept the right people around me, I learned what I needed for my personality and character to become stronger, I took challenges and I grew beyond what I ever expected.

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How does it make me feel?

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A bit scared about the future, anxious. AIESEC is a peak in my life. I mean, how many times in my life will I have the opportunity to lead ambitious, young and exciting people? How many times will I be managing an organization with more than 300 people? How many times will I be in my life the main representative of an organization present in a country for over 55 years in front of more than 100 countries? How many times will I be the main representative of a country which is not my own? I think the chances are pretty small.

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I think things will get harder, it will require more passion and willingness, but I am determined not to make AIESEC the peak of my life. I just need to find something I believe in and dedicate my life to it.

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And how does makes me feel?

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In the end it makes me feel good with myself.

The real difference between Portuguese and Croats

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During Easter I went to Split where I had a lot of time for myself and normally in these occasions I also come up with rather interesting theories (at least for me). So while in Split I dedicated a bit of time reflecting about the differences I have been noticing between the people from my own country and the people from the country I have been living in the last 2 years and this is the result:

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Croats are “black or while” and Portuguese are “grey”.

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Croats (and I would like to emphasize that I am generalizing) are extremists: a guy is either cool or not, either they are dating or they are not, either they are friends or they are not. Generally they are very direct and straight forward people. They are a very nationalistic nation and although they seem into travelling, several Croats told me that they have here everything they need so they would never live abroad for choice. I know a lot of religious people, and I mean young people. Also I’ve heard from many people that they aim to get married, have a good house, raise kids, enjoy life. I have met so many happy people and families, happy with what they have, with who they are, with what they do. Normally they are not satisfied with the Government but I guess that is a global feeling. I think Croatian music is generally happier, they drink more and they work to party afterwards. That’s why I say that they point of view is much more extreme like “black or white”.

Portuguese (and I am again generalizing) are by nature frustrated with everything, with the country, with their lifes, with their job, with the weather, with the traffic, with the prices, with their emotional lifes… Normally Portuguese people always give the benefit of doubt “He seems an asshole but maybe this is not his day, I will give him some more opportunities”. Generally they are not proud of their country and they live convinced that all other countries are better. According to statistics majority of Population is Catholic but actually most of my friends are agnostic. I would say that Portuguese have difficulty to believe in happy endings, most of the musics are about sad love stories and my friends and even I tend to dream about impossible relationships. Sometimes the longest period of emotional relationships is the flirting, kissing and what we call “to have fun” part, to date is a very advanced stage and normally takes quite a while to begin. For all of this I would say Portuguese are more in between, more “grey”.

I would say the good thing about Croats it’s their capacity to be happy and to find happiness in small, beautiful things. They are more confident and proud of whom they are and of what they have. This is from my point of view highly influenced by the fact that a bit more than a decade ago they had to fight for their country and for their own freedom.

The good thing about Portuguese is that they live in this continuous frustration which also makes them always to look for alternatives and to change if necessary in pursuit for that happiness or perfection that they actually don’t believe exists. I also think this is present in Portuguese way of being for centuries and it explains a bit the discoveries period and why people who are blessed with a beautiful ocean, great fields and warm weather decide to engage in adventures and endless boat trips to find new worlds. But then again, maybe this is not the majority I am talking about…

The bad thing about Croats is that sometimes they just don’t care because they are happy. They are not concerned so much in details and perfection, and sometimes they don’t seem interested to find out other ways of doing things which could even be useful for their country or for their lifes. They are satisfied with what they have and I also believe this is visible in AIESECers in Croatia but the question is what else could they have or be? What about excellence?

The bad thing about Portuguese is that they seem never to be happy or satisfied, they complain so much about everything and they lack positivism. This would be good if people would fight and do something to change their lifes, but the truth is that many people don’t do so, and they complain their entire life. And AIESEC was a reflection of this bad side until a while ago, I think now things are changing…

Bottom line, both cultures seems similar on the first sight, and they are but some key values in the basic structure of these cultures are not shared.

Which one is better? I think that the best is to find a balance between being able to enjoy what you have and at the same time risk and challenge the boundaries that we impose to ourselves.

I think I manage to find a good balance between this 2 point of views after 2 years in Croatia and that is maybe one of the biggest learnings I will take with me… I’m actually starting to believe in happy endings…

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P.S: of course these are statements based on my assumptions and perception therefore it is only an assessment, it may even be a bit grounded but it is not necessarily right and I hope it doesn’t offends anyone :)

Budapest, EuroXPRO 2009 and Bucharest

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In March I was going to realize one of my dreams since 2004: to facilitate an international AIESEC conference, a big one!

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It was a conference for the future leaders of AIESEC in European and North American countries bringing together 200 people from a bit less than 40 countries.

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Of course I had to take the opportunity to travel by train and as it was safer, I took the option to pass by Budapest in Hungary because I was travelling alone. So I had the chance to visit a bit of the city, the CEE GN hosted me and I had a got time there.

Me and Barbara who lives in Budapest and who showed me the city :)

And this is just a bit of the city (I’ve broken my camera in Rome so now I only have mobile pictures but it's not that bad hein?).

Then I got to Bucharest in Romania to meet the team I was going to work with. Just to highlight that in this team was included David who was part of my Executive Board in Lisboa when I was President in AIESEC Lisboa ISCTE which was a great feeling!

So, having in consideration that this would be my last international conference my expectations were very high, I wanted to feel the AIESEC spirit, give quality sessions, bond with my delegation but also to get to know the Portuguese, spend time with some old friends, basically to enjoy it to the maximum!!

And I did, EuroXPRO was the best last international conference I could have, it was very relaxing as facilitator! Maybe because the entire team was so high profiled that the level of trust was above anything I have experienced, so I was not stressed out, I didn’t have to do late work or anything, I was relaxed even during pre-meeting. Besides that I loved the closing plenary, it was perfect...

And it was amazing to see Croatians there, to see them taking over and to see that Croatia will stay in good hands next year. Also it was great to see them bonding with Portugal and listen to them sharing their points of view about both countries.

And I got to meet the Portuguese which was also great because sometimes I feel so distant from AIESEC in Portugal.

And last but not least the conference was amazing for me because… I felt myself again (maybe some people won’t understand but…). I recognized myself, the best part of me, I was again the person and AIESECer I was before Croatia and it was an amazing feeling, I felt big and strong, and it felt good to realize that I am here, I’m still here! I got so much positive feedback from delegates concerning my sessions and it was very rewarding.

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On the other side I also felt that most of the time my full potential, capacity and knowledge is not used in AIESEC in Croatia... but how to change it?

Afterwards I had opportunity to see Bucharest. It’s not an amazing and gorgeous city but it has its magic, it’s definitely Balkan and it has so much influence from different countries and cultures.

So this is the Romanian Athenaeum which is a concert hall in the center of Bucharest.

This is a photo of a small garden belonging to an Orthodox Church.

And this is the Palace of the Parliament, which is the world’s second largest building after Pentagon.

And to finish my experience I leave a video that the Faci Team has created about the Faci roll call. If you were not in the conference it won’t be so funny but… I like it.

Obrigado, Hvala, Mulţumesc and Thanks to all who made my last international conference so special and perfect :)

IPM 2009 and Rome

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So in mid February was going to take place IPM in Rome so Slovenians AIESEC Presidents (the current and elect) and I decided to take advance of living in Central Europe and managed a way to go by car. How great is that? I will miss this mobility once I get back to Portugal…

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They managed to convince one guy to drive us there so we went by car, we stopped in Bologna to visit the city, we slept in the car and we got to Rome in a sunny and nice morning ready for the conference.

IPM like I had mentioned before is without a doubt the best AIESEC conference in the network but the second IPM is a bit different. Just to recall: this is the most diverse AIESEC conference with only 2 delegates per country in a total of 107 countries represented that lasts for 12 days.

For me it was a very nostalgic conference that made me reflect a lot about the beginning, about all the dreams and hopes I had one year ago. The elections for the international team took place once again and this year was very intense, I participated in the longest legislation ever in my life, I had some of the most hilarious moments of my AIESEC career and I had a lot of thinking… For me this conference was mostly:

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- Get to know and give transition to my successor, Jelena. We had great time together and I am very confident about the future of AIESEC in Croatia:

- About meeting old friends, having good conversations and sharing crazy ideas:

- To think about the failures but also the successes and achievements of my term:

- To think about my future and my next steps:

- To speak a lot of Portuguese with the people from PSGN ;)

- Being proud of my friends and of the people I saw growing and taking new challenges during the conference:

- And to say “See you soon” to long lasting friends whom I’m sure I will meet someday, somewhere, somehow…:)

Some flashpoints:

- Some cultural mindsets are true... it is true that Italians eat a lot of Pasta and basically they eat it in every meal;

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- To be in a conference with something like 230 people from 107 countries where more than 20 are Native Portuguese Speakers is a very weird feeling. I spoke more Portuguese in this conference than any other international conference for sure;

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- Representing Croatia just became a part of me and it is how people recognize me. I felt a bit that I branded Croatia during the last year in the AIESEC network and I felt proud of “being from Croatia”;

- After one year sharing my hopes, frustrations and even days with some of those people I am afraid I will never have the same opportunity to meet them all again and for sure not in the same place, but I am grateful I even had such experience and opportunity;

- Even in a period of time where we find intelligent life in other planets, AIESEC will still be relevant and instead of Country members we will have Planet members, Growth Networks will be Planetary systems and Solar system roll call will be something like “We got sun, yeah yeah, we got sun, yeah yeah. We got what? What? What? What? What?” heheheh;

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- Rome was definitely an amazing surprise. A beautiful city that combines old and new in every street and corner, history in every place and also a touch of Mediterranean culture at least in the night life. A city I could for sure life for a long period of time:

January and February in review

Going back to Zagreb wasn’t easy but much easier than last year. Snow was all around and I did enjoy my winter.

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I firstly went to Slovenia to chair the election of the President of AIESEC in Slovenia for the upcoming term and I had the chance to meet friends and visit Ljubljana with snow.

Then in Zagreb I did enjoyed snow the best I could heheh.

This was the view from my window in the dorm and it's a great feeling to wake up warm and look outside to such a picture... I will miss it. Then Nastya and I had a blast going around the city and to parks when there was snow. It's so peaceful and beautiful... And for the first time ever I've seen a frozen lake :) Not a big lake but it was frozen.

And January was also a cultural month with so many visits to Museums: Also in January amazingly I managed to spill yogurt in my laptop keyboard which is also one of the reasons why didn’t updated my blog before… Always something happens to my laptops in January… .

Then in the beginning of February Croatia hosted the Man World’s Handball Championship. I was never a big fan of Handball but in Croatia they are fans and good at it, so I went to watch the final in a bar Croatia Vs France and France won… But still we went to the main square to join the crowd who was there to recognize and receive the Croatian athletes.

All that nationalism did have an effect in me and I also wanted to scream and cheer for Croatia. Interesting...

And after the first round of national team applications for the next term I was leaving to Rome for another International Conference.

Re-integration?

In AIESEC when people would say that we need to find strategies to re-integrate people who went for internships I never understood very well what that is. But the last time I went back to Portugal I did feel a bit of what that “re-integration” period is…

This whole experience did change me as a person especially from July to December in many ways like my jokes, my interpersonal skills, my values and the way I do AIESEC.

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So when I got to Lisbon I went straight to a dinner with my EB and I was terrified, I was scared of how would they perceive me, if they would notice that I changed, I was afraid that they would also have changed and we wouldn’t feel good together.

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It wasn’t like that (some things did change because we tried new picture concepts) but for one week I felt weird, out of my comfort zone and I noticed things in Portuguese culture and in my friends which I have never noticed before.

Bottom line I don’t think I will ever be the same person I was when I went to Croatia and I don’t think I want to be that person anymore. I just need to find a way to cope with this fact when I go back home.

Besides that to be home was relaxing and chilled out. I had enough fun, rest, I watched TV and movies, I read and I partied until the morning like Portuguese style.

So this is how my Vacations in Madeira looked like:

November & December in review

Did you ever run a Marathon? From now on I can say: Yes, I did in the end of November… but a drinking Marathon :)

I didn’t start from beginning but still, me and Nastya started on the 5th stop at 11am near the dorm which means that we had 13 stops and maybe some more heheh.

The concept is very simple: there are 18 stops and in each stop it’s mandatory to drink, and there is only one stop for food. I can say that in the end I was proud of myself, I can remember everything, I didn’t make a fool of myself and I still went to the party afterwards.

It was pure fun and now I’m waiting for the Summer Edition Marathon in which I intend to go from the beginning heheh. Yeah, living Croatian spirit ;)

Then in the beginning of December there was the biggest National Conference of AIESEC in Croatia, the Winter Leadership Development Congress which was held in Split.

This was a special and very important conference for several reasons: we had an amazing number of 150 delegates, we had finally companies participating in the conference, we had 16 facilitators, my successor would be elected in this conference so my expectations were very high!

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Was it as amazing as I wanted it to be? Yes and no. I felt good as MCP, I felt that generally people were satisfied, I felt an amazing atmosphere from the delegates and I truly believe that AIESEC in Croatia is different. But (and there is always a but) I felt frustrated, there we had all leaders of our organization and I didn’t know what to tell them, what to say that would make a difference. I have tried different approaches, strategies, I have talked with people and still, things happen so slowly, people seem not to change and I couldn’t find something that would make the difference…

I guess that also means that I’m not satisfied, it means I’m not going to quit or stop, that means I’m gonna do something and continue challenging my perception of things.

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Anyway, here are some snapshots of the conference:

Opening Ceremony The facilitators' team Party The National Team 0809

The Hotel View :)

Then after the conference I had opportunity to chill a bit in Zagreb and feel Christmas when I went to the city center, drink hot wine (in Croatia and other Eastern Europe countries to warm up wine with herbs during winter is traditional and is really good!) and feel the freezing weather.

And still, before going to Portugal I had a crazy adventure to go to Istanbul for 4 days for a CEE Presidents Meeting.

I only managed my flight 2 days before the conference so I was already in the airport entering the airplane when I realized that I haven’t told my Mom I was going to Turkey… I called her and I tried to explain her very fast, then during the beautiful sunset over the clouds I realize how AIESEC made travelling or being with foreign people such a normal thing.

While I was flying I realized how lucky I was to have such possibilities and to have met so many amazing people during the last 5 years of my life…

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Then I have to say that I enjoyed Istanbul much more this time than one year and half ago because the weather was nice (not horrible hot), majority of people were locals in the streets (not tourists) and I had the opportunity to walk around without rush (while in the first time I was going around with the study tour people).

Another funny thing which amazed me was that I meet randomly this guy from Egypt who was going to facilitate an AIESEC Turkey National Conference that would start immediately after our conference. The interesting about him is that he had a keychain that one and half year ago a CEEDers in Croatia originally from USA got from this MC member for an experiment. The experiment was to see how long it would take using AIESEC network to get back to Croatia. When he told me this I was shocked because I was the owner of that keychain which I completely forgot that I had gave to Drew. So, after one year and half it got back to me in Istanbul given by an Egyptian guy which I had never met before. Crazy right?